Forgiveness
by Suki59
Summary: This is my response to the weekly one-shot challenge for week #20 July 22, 2009 : To forgive is an act of compassion. It's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it.
1. Chapter 1

Charlaine Harris owns these characters. This is in response to the weekly one-shot challenge for week #20: To forgive is an act of compassion. It's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it.

Sookie

I'm getting married in the morning. I was seriously beginning to think that I would never get married. I'm thirty eight years old and always assumed that I would be married and have a family by this point in my life. But I got side-tracked. I met and fell in love with not one, but two vampires. The first one took my virginity and the second took my soul.

I haven't seen or spoken to Eric in almost three years. We had a horrible fight when it ended and probably both said things we didn't mean, but the result was obviously what we both wanted. He left me. I've moved on and have found a life with Sam.

I told Eric that I wanted a normal life. I do want children, and now don't really know if that's even possible because I've waited so long. I want a man that I can spend the day with as well as the night. Sam is only missing for one night a month, not every single day from dawn until dusk. I'm finally going after what I really want and have always maintained that I wanted. So, why do I feel so conflicted? Are these normal pre-wedding jitters?

Eric

I know I should stay away. I heard from Compton that her wedding to the shifter is tomorrow. I've stayed away now for three years—well, it will be three years in fourteen days, but who's counting? Our relationship was never easy. That's why I loved her so much. I love a challenge and she is certainly that if nothing else. Our love was always a fire—sometimes smoldering, but usually burning, and burning the both of us pretty badly.

When I became King of Louisiana I asked her to move to New Orleans with me. I meant it to be an honor. I have never heard of a king or queen having a human spouse. But of course, Sookie wanted nothing to do with vampire politics. That was the beginning of the end for us. I considered staying in Shreveport, turning down DeCastro's offer and letting everyone think I'm nuts. I really don't care what they think. But then when I really saw what I was doing to Sookie, I decided to go and leave her behind. It was the kindest thing I could do for her at the time. I left her so she could have the normal life she craved, children, a loving husband to wake to every morning. We needed to stop burning each other and so I left.

Sookie

Sitting at Gran's vanity, I study my face in the mirror. It's the same face. So why does it look so sad? Shouldn't I be happy tonight? Why am I thinking about him? About that last fight. I watch a tear slowly creep down my cheek. Tomorrow I'm going to be a happy bride if it kills me. But tonight I'll let myself think about him one last time.

We were in this very room, having our usual fight about his move to New Orleans and my desire to stay here and be normal. I didn't want to be the human concubine of the vampire king of Louisiana. I wanted to be a wife and mother. For years we had tried to have some sort of normal relationship, and it did seem to work while he was in Shreveport and I was here. But once the move to New Orleans became inevitable, things began to unravel. We were fighting. He was scary—the way he got when his temper flared and I was reminded what he really was and what he was capable of. I told him that I wished I had never met him. I watched his face fall. The spark in his eyes faded and a realization seemed to hit him. I knew that I had hurt him and wanted to take it back, but it was too late.

Eric

The final fight was a tough one. I had lost my temper and was probably scaring her. She stayed calm but told me that she wished she had never met me. Suddenly, it was clear to me what her life could have been without me. She deserved a loving human husband, babies to raise, a life in the sunlight. My heart broke in that instant because I could see how selfish I had been because I did love her so much. Because I have lived for so very long, I knew how rare Sookie was and how rare our love was and so I pursued her. But at that moment I could see that I was merely wasting her precious time on this earth, denying her what every other human had the right to have.

And so I lied. I repeated her words: I wish I'd never met you. I didn't mean them of course, but I listened to the sound of them and wondered if she heard the lie. I felt her pain through the bond and watched the tears fall. My heart broke along with hers and then for good measure, I added an I hate you and extended my fangs for the full effect. It worked beautifully. She threw a vase at me as I flew out the window. I couldn't bear hearing her rescind my invitation.

So for nearly three years I have been living at the compound in New Orleans, ruling my state. I've learned that it takes one hour and fifty minutes to fly from the compound to her house and I can tell through the bond when her sleep is deep enough for me to enter her room undetected. Unfortunately, I can't enter the shifter's trailer and so I have to watch her through the window when she stays with him. At first it was hard to see them together. I wanted to kill him of course. But it got easier over time when I saw that she was getting what she wanted and what I couldn't give her.

And on this final night of her single life, I flew and followed her to her silly girls' party at her friend Tara's and watched her drive home and undress. And now she sits and cries in front of her mirror. I decide that it's time for our final good-bye.

Sookie

I thought I felt him. But then I think that a lot and it's never true. He's in New Orleans. I watched in the mirror as the glass doorknob of my room slowly turned and my breath caught in my throat. It was him. I turned to face him as he filled the doorway.

"Eric."

"Sookie."

"I'm getting married." I don't know why I said that. I should have said how are you or how nice to see you or something else more polite.

"Congratulations." He was smiling a comforting smile. I felt new tears roll down my cheeks. God, I've missed him. Heaven help me.

"Thank you."

"I thought it might be nice if we could forgive each other. I don't want to interfere. I just thought it would make for a nice new start for you. And for me."

I just nodded yes while the tears kept coming. "Can you forgive me, Eric?" My voice was trembling.

"Yes, my love. And am I forgiven?"

"Yes, Eric. I forgive you."

Sam

It rained on our wedding day. People say that's bad luck but I never believed anything like that. It was a day I've waited for my whole life. I'd watched Sookie for years, waiting for my turn. I knew she loved him, but I also knew that they were a volatile match that would very likely burn itself out. And that's just what happened.

He moved to New Orleans and she came to me. I loved her and waited patiently until she was ready. And now here I sit on what used to be her grandmother's bed. The white satin dress is hanging unworn on the door of the wardrobe. I watch the bathroom door, waiting for my new bride to emerge in her lacey nightgown. This should have been my wedding night.

I stare at the mirror. At the blood. At the words written there: Forgive me.

To forgive is an act of compassion. It's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it. I promised to be what she needs and so now I'm working on the forgiving.

XXX

A/N: There's more, but only if you're not satisfied with your own imagination. If you're happy with the way your mind played this story out, then read no further.


	2. Chapter 2

Charlaine Harris owns these characters.

A/N: I realize that I may be breaking (bending?) the one-shot rules a bit here, but I wanted to give the reader some choices as to how this story went. If you prefer your own choice, then feel free to stop right here. I could have played by the rules and made this all one chapter, but I wanted to keep the first part pure for those of you who don't want to venture further.

Sam

Sitting there on her bed, I imagined what I would have witnessed had I been outside the window the night before.

"Yes, Eric. I forgive you." He took a step closer and then hesitated. I saw his smile falter and knew in that instant that I would not be getting married in the morning, or on any morning. I stood and in one liquid movement, I was in his arms. I pulled his head down to my lips and my entire body remembered what it needs and can't live without. I wept into his mouth, "Please don't leave me again."

"Never. Never, my love." He picked me up, opened my robe, and lay me back onto the bed before a decision could be made. There was no turning back now. I tore at his clothes and he granted my wish. At first it was rough and powerful almost to the point of pain, but then he was tender and tentative, searching my eyes for permission to continue. Is this okay? Is this really what you want? I didn't need to read his mind.

Afterwards, I was packing a bag. I unpacked my honeymoon suitcase and threw some of its contents into a smaller one. I realized that Eric hadn't bitten me when we made love and I asked him to do so. At first he said no, but when I stood before the mirror and pulled my robe open, tilting my head to the side, his pupils dilated. I watched him in the mirror as I said, "I want it," and he was on me in a hungry flash. I kept my eyes open and watched the scene unfold in front of me in the mirror as if it were happening to someone else. His face was buried in my neck, his throat making small mindless animal sounds with each swallow. His hands were caressing my body, fingers working in soothing strokes. His back bowed as he pressed his erection into my hip and his subtle rhythm matched the strokes of his fingers. He got uncharacteristically sloppy and I watched a line of dark red run down my chest along my breast and into his hand just below. He disengaged and began to trail his tongue down my neck to chase the runaway blood, but I stopped him and placed his head back at my neck where he resumed his powerful sucking.

I looked at my face in the mirror and thought what a selfish woman I am. I thought of Sam and how his heart will break when he learns what I've done. I touched my finger to the blood on my chest and reached out to my own face in the mirror and began to write. Whose forgiveness did I want? My own? Sam's? I'm not even sure. Eric stopped and cleaned the mess I'd made on my own body. He looked at my bloody message and then held me again, only this time there was no lust, no passion. He held me like a loving father would comfort a child. I gave into the feeling for a moment, feeling sorry for Sam and for myself. And then that was over and I dressed and finished packing. I left the front door unlocked for Sam as Eric and I began our new lives together.

Sam

Sitting there on her bed, I imagined what I would have witnessed had I been outside the window the night before.

"Yes, Eric, I forgive you."

I knew that I should just leave. I had accomplished my task. But seeing her, the way she looked at me. I knew that nothing had changed in our hearts. That same fire burned, and suddenly, I could no longer suffer the pain. I did something that I had not expected of myself. I lost control. I was on her in a split second and my rage and lust consumed me. I simply couldn't give her to another man. I thought that I was so evolved, so superior. But in the end, I was simply a mindless animal protecting his own heart, his own sanity. When I realized that I had killed her, I dropped to my knees and wept into her lifeless body. I held her to me, burying my face in her neck, the blood of my own tears mixing with the mess I'd made of her neck. I'd carelessly torn the flesh, and licked it gently in my remorse. I was reduced to this—a mad monster unable to control his actions in a moment of livid passion.

I stood and gently placed her body on the bed, and then turned to see myself in the mirror. My face was a bloody mess. Her blood dripped from my chin, my own was in streaks down my face. I touched my finger to the blood on my chin and then traced a line up to my cheek, mixing our blood together before writing my message in the mirror.

Then I stood over her lifeless body and asked her forgiveness one last time before biting into my wrist and placing it over her mouth.

Sam

Sitting there on her bed, I imagined what I would have witnessed had I been outside the window the night before.

"Yes, Eric. I forgive you."

He nodded in response, obviously satisfied with our exchange. He turned to leave the room and said a last, "Good bye, my love," before closing the door behind him.

Something clicked in my brain as soon as I knew he was gone. I stood and carefully unpacked the suitcase that I had packed for my honeymoon. I straightened the room, but decided to leave the wedding dress hanging on the door of the wardrobe. It looked so pretty there. Then I went down to the tool shed in the back yard and found the folded tarp. I stopped in the kitchen on my way back to my room to get the knife.

I carefully unfolded the tarp on the floor and sat at the vanity for a moment. I decided not to leave a note, but instead make a small cut on my wrist and wrote what I needed to say in blood on the mirror. Some may wonder if I was asking for forgiveness of myself. Most will assume it's for Sam. Eric will know that it's for him. That's all that matters.

I lay down on the tarp and finished my cut and then matched it on the other wrist. Then I gave myself permission for the last time to think of Eric before everything went away.

Sam

Sitting there on her bed, I imagined what I would have witnessed had I been outside the window the night before.

I came in after the bachelor party a little drunker than I should have been. I know those goddamn vampire ears heard me. He probably just started fucking her harder when he realized that I was in the house. I watched for an instant at the door before leaving. She never even knew I was there. She never lost herself like that when we made love.

I drove back to the trailer and kept drinking. That was probably a mistake. I worked myself up into a drunken rage and by the time I started trashing the place, I was quite a mess. After my little tantrum, I sat in the floor surveying the damage and reached over to pick up a broken chair leg off of the floor beside me.

I was back in my car before I really thought about what I was doing. Thinking that I could stake a thousand year old vampire showed just how drunk and stupid I really was. What I didn't expect was to find her alone. I was so out of control, out of my mind with jealousy and hate that when I saw her standing there looking so shocked, I lost it. She looked innocent but I knew that she wasn't and then the stake was buried in her chest. Just like that.

I sat with her body for a long time before I wrote on the mirror. Then I drove home and sat and waited for the sheriff to come. But he never did.

My wedding day came and went. People were so kind to me. The whole town felt sorry for the groom whose bride was murdered by that vampire lover of hers. It never occurred to me that he would be blamed. I was ready to go to jail, but then I realized that jail wasn't going to be my punishment. And so as the day came to a close, no one questioned that I wanted to go and be in her house. They all left me alone. Even Bud Dearborn just asked that I not disturb anything while they were still investigating.

So, I sat on her bed, studying the wedding dress, watching the bathroom door, imagining waiting for her to emerge as my new bride. I knew I didn't have much time and so I tried to think about forgiveness. There was no one left to forgive me and so I needed to forgive myself.

I never heard him come in of course, but heard the water dripping onto the carpet as he approached the bed. I had one last silly thought that it must still be raining outside before he was on me and I felt the fangs. And then I wondered who will forgive him.

XXX


End file.
